I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The adults are the big ones right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
