I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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