Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
