Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
