Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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