I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Randomize
