Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
