I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
