____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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