I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we're so committed to being not committed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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