That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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