Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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