It's Friday. Sex?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
