No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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