its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
