I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
