She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
