Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
