in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
