So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
