I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
