I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
