Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
