There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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