So drunk its hurt
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
