There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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