I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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