I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
