It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
