Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
