Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
