Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
