i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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