you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
