what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
