WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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