He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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