I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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