i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
