Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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