I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
