I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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