Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize