You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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