Im at strip club and am horny
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
