Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
