I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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