Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
