Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
