My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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