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my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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