Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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