Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
