Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
