the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
