it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
