What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
