Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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